Public Art: help me to unsee it

I want to have it unseen!” I want my brain to throw it up in a special WC designed to come clean after a heavy dose of a particularly nasty visual experience. That’s what modern public art in Russia does to me 9 times out of 10. Alas, neuroscience has not found the right method to purge memories. Being exposed to bad art is one thing, but hilariously bad art is like a sexually transmitted disease. You can’t help passing it on whenever you get in contact with other people. And this is what I will be doing now. I warned you. You’ll want to unsee it, and help won’t come.

Four horsemen of Apocalypse are common knowledge.What is not in the wiki, is the recently introduced fifth horse. It will hunt down and sexually abuse those people who’ve read “50 Shades of Grey”, and recommended it to others. Or simply discussed it with their friends. This four-meter high monster can be found in Voronezh, a large city in the south of Russia. It looks relatively normal from half a mile away:

But as you get closer, you begin wondering. Why does it bite a rail?! Oh, thank god, you didn’t take the railroad to get there, but what about aunt Natasha, who did?

But these thoughts get derailed with roaring thunder when your eyes travel to…

yes, the area immediately below the belly, the lower parts:

You mutter, “God, no!…” but no, it is “God, yes”. It is human.

The readers of “50 shades of grey”, beware. It is not even erect.

You try to make sense of it, and as you walk around the horse, you are in for a further blow.

Yes, the horse has two anuses and one has been engaged.

In a few thousand years, when this horse is unearthed by alien archeologists, interesting theories of evolution will disrupt their alien science. The simple explanation that the artist was just a gay man who could not come out in an orthodox country will never pop up. Aliens will board up their UFOs and fly away, because you don’t mess with a planet that used to be home to such species.

What I find amazing is that in a country where gay men have to live in relative secrecy, this sculpture proudly exists by the road that links this city to Moscow.

And now, give me your hypothesis on why this horse was cutely wrapped once:

The correct answer will be here tomorrow (with another example of public art)!


  1. It is one of those things that you don’t know whether you want to laugh or cry about. Maybe a bit of both. And as for 50 Shades of Gray – I am so proud of NOT to have read it, that I’ll have it written on my tombstone. Here Rests She Who Didn’t Read 50 Shades of Gray

  2. Oh my. I am really not one to blush or easily be shocked, but I actually looked away and I can’t stop giggling. I have morphed into an 8-year-old little boy or something. I honestly have no words for this…I can’t even believe this is real. Is this really real? I simply must know what’s up with the thing in his bum if you say homophobia is so indoctrinated… On to the next blog… I am at work, clearing not working…

    1. It is real, and is getting fame. Speaking of penises on statues: two girls leave a museum. First: Did you notice that huge willie on that ancient Greek statue?! Second: Oh, yes, huge… and so cold!

    1. Well, a memory wipe clinic could survive on the effects of this horse alone! Local residents, I believe, stages some protests for the removal of the horse but then just got used to it ) People possess an amazing mechanism of adaption to anything )

  3. at first I couldn’t understand why you showed a picture of a male parts and wanted to unsee it, that was funny unseen it, i will have to remember that one, but when you showed the whole statue then I got it, by the way I believe that is supposed to be a tail bone, theyused to in some cultures completly cut the tail off I am guessing it had to do with tails getting caught in the brush and leaving a trail for the enemy to follow. personally i would of put a fake tail on it, provided no one would remove it. also notice the horse is built more like a bull? I am wondering what the rail in it’s mouth is all about. any clues. and thank goodness you or someone wrapped it up to cover over the parts you don’t want ot have to unseen it after seeing

    1. I tried to research the rail. Honest. Couldn’t find any info on it. Seems like it is related to the resilience of Russian horses. Or men. Or “and” men, for there are a lot of men’s attributes )

  4. secret weapon hidden from foreign spies, lol)
    I’m going to send U one pic I want to ‘have unseen’ as well. Strange thing – it’s also about private parts, hm…

  5. Was it brass monkey weather or in this case brass horse? You did warn us, but i looked anyway and now have to live with the image till the end of my days. I wonder if the model of this ended up in Tesco ‘Nag Bol’ if it did, it would be a hefty portion.

  6. My first reaction to the image was ‘WHAT THE HELL?” I am in disbelieve about this “piece of art”. Was it cutely wrapped because of the certain event? (i.e., приём детей в пионеры, проводы на пенсию, освящение местного храма). The artist has to be a closeted gay person.
    P.S. “50 shades of grey” and “literature” should have be used in one sentence.

It would be grand to hear from you now!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: