One of the more important secrets is using jargon no one can understand to camouflage the absence of any thought.
The rules are simple, see for yourself as I take one simple word and manipulate it into something very “clever”.
Artistic
Artisticophilic: interested in reading about all things artistic (belonging to art lover)
Artisticophilephobic: afraid of those interested in reading about all things artistic (afraid of art lovers)
Antiartisticophilephobic: being in opposition to those afraid of those interested in reading about all things artistic (don’t be afraid of art lovers!)
Quasiantiartisticophilephobic: pretending to be being in opposition to those afraid of those interested in reading about all things artistic (don’t be afraid of art lovers, but keep them at arm’s length)
Now you can go on and use phrases like “The quasiantiartisticophilephobic rhethoric of this artist” with absolute impunity. Or go as far as: “My quasiantiartisticophilephobic attitude is due in part to art lovers often being snobbish and boring, and in part to the fact that there are many nice girls among them”.
We can also try Feminist and go all the way to Quasiantifeministophilicophobic. I wonder what kind of animal is that, but I am sure it may have its uses.
Standing Ovation, Seated 
The illustration reminds me of one I did years ago when I was not long out of art school…
http://wp.me/a2TFNr-1we
G
Oh, yes, your text is even more convincing )))
that’s probably because I lifted it verbatim from what one of my lecturers had said about his paintings!
and re-reading it after all these years, I still have no idea what the hell he was on about!
Yeah, I love that language. Especially I like playing a fool and then dissecting it, in the presence of the speaker in futile attempts to uncover a single feeble thought )
Exactly – that’s the only way to deal with it!
By the way, did you ever look back in on my photoshopped magpie version of my winter gate, on which you felt there was resemblance to the Monet painting? If not, here it is! http://wp.me/a2TFNr-1cr
G