Today’s Daily Prompt makes me deviate from the art scene for a bit. It says,

“Pick a divisive issue currently in the news. Write a two-part post in which you take on two personas and approach the topic from both sides”

Edward Snowden. Should he stay or should he go?

Media says Obama called Putin to talk it through. Here is the transcript.

Obama (what his aides hear)

Vlad, hello. How’s your fishing? Good, good. Twenty one kilograms?

(covering the handset: can anyone tell me what’s that in pounds? Anyone? Just tell me if it’s big or small, he’s waiting for my reaction, for god’s sake! Big?)

WOW, Vlad, that’s huge! 

Now, there’s another huge issue we need to talk about. 

No, I don’t hang out with pretty girls right now. No, it’s not about you joining the party. This is Barak, not Silvio!

It’s that American guy in your Moscow airport. We want him back.

Because everything the little jerk exposed was a perfectly legal activity and he was bound by whatever oath he took when he accepted the job. The US Congress clandestinely approved a classified act on secret info gathering. You may scoff at it, but you can’t take it to court.

I can hear your snickering, and I know this is not bad connection. Even Khruschev couldn’t fool Kennedy with it, and they used an undersea cable to talk!

This guy Snowden is a theif of information, without any modicum of legality on the Russian territory and thus HE SHOULD BE SENT to the country that claims him to be its citizen. People have been kicked out of Russia for less, is it so difficult to put him on a plane? You have small-scale presidents flying in and out, choose some Zhurididistanian airline and we’ll tug him over in no time!

Putin (what his aides now hear)

Barak, were you wiggling your finger at me while talking, honest? I was imagining you doing that, you know. Very funny. I’ve just missed a chance to catch a 25 kilos catfish. One hand busy holding the phone, you know. It was one-third of Snowden’s weight already. But it is not why I can’t give him back.

When he was taking the oath it didn’t say he should follow the Goverment when that government moves away from the Constitution so much the founding fathers turn in their graves like sync swimmers at Olympics.

He is a patriot of his country who is going to be prosecuted by people who betrayed everything that country stood for. And because of that he should stay for he can’t expect fair treatment back home.

Of course I am joking. I just love teaching a smug democrat a lesson or two.

Barak, you know I’ve been doing the same PRISM stuff since the time I learnt it had been done in Russia since electricity was invented. Yes, I know I am a lucky tyrannical bastard (I wish that would work for fishing too!), but I still can’t give him back.

The most undemocratic enemy of the most democratic state! You know, I’ve just realised I can enjoy it both ways. Like, having you put on the spit and being turned. This is actually what I am doing right now with the fish. You want a photo? My prime minister can send you a link, he’s the iPhone guy on board here. Oh, yes. Yes. I see. You already have it from the NSA.

You mean you have all the party photos from Silvio’s Facebook page too? (aside: Silvio thought Facebook was private!) When who was visiting? Are you sure that “who” looks like the Vlad we both know? I mean there were a dozen men with bodies like Apollo. What do you mean there’s only one Apollo in his 50s? I thought it was illegal in the States to look at stuff like that. Oh, presidential immunity. So you can watch it. Well. Don’t. Just don’t.

You know, I think I have a solution. We’ll grant Snowden asylum. In Siberia. And you can tell anyone who would want to follow in his steps that those steps will take them all the way to where Snowden went. He’s got a fitting name. Snowden from Siberia. Frosted and iced.

Do we have a deal? Good!

And, by the way, Angela is mad. And the French guy with the Dutch name. Holland, yes. You know why Europeans get mad? 5% ’cause they got rabies,  10% ’cause their cell battery is dead, and 85% ’cause you spied on them. No, it is funny.

Beep-beep-beep.

Beeeeeeeep. Beeeeeep. Beeeeeeep.

Silvio?! Just calling to tell you you’re a f***ing idiot. Literally and Instagramically. What? Sentenced? Congratulations! You know the Russian saying, “the sooner you get behind bars, the sooner you get out”? Well, you know now, old chap, exactly when you need it – that’s what friends are for. Yeah, keep in touch. Ciao!