I have been collecting typical questions about artists and art for some time, and here’s the second batch of my answers: often biased, sometimes rude, and always right. Think of it as an introduction to modern culture.
Question (typical): I am told this twisted figure represents passionate beauty. I am beginning to doubt my sanity.
Answer (my): Think of passionate sex in a hall of mirrors, and your head’s wobbling side to side in ecstasy. Your eye only gets bits of images that register in your brain as a random sequence of “what an ass”, “fantastic boobs”, “I love these lips”, “she rolled her eyes”, and such…
Q (trying to dial 911 in his pocket): Are you really an art history professor?
A: …Then remove wild sex and mirrors. Pile up your remaining memories together: all those “views” that you saw in front of you and the ones reflected in the mirrors. What you get is this image.
Q: Now this maniac Picasso freaks me out!
A: You’re afraid he speaks to the maniac inside yourself, bro. By the way, there’s an agitated 911 woman talking from inside your pants’ pocket, and I never said I was a professor.
Question: Is Jeff Koons a pop or post-pop artist?
Answer: Before he hired a PR consultant he was known as Jeff Kons, a poop-artist. I am not sure he is an artist, but he is definitely a “wizard of “o’s”.
Question: I don’t get what’s so exciting about Mondrian’s squares. They say he was a great artist. Why?
Answer: that’s why:
Q: Are you saying he was a great interior designer?
A: No, he was a mere prophet.
Sol LeWitt and minimalism
Question: They say he was one of the best minimalist artists. But this drawing is very simple! What is “best” about it?
A: This very simple formula describes inexplicably complicated processes. For a physicist it is the highest form of physics, and even if you don’t know anything about the special theory of relativity, you still don’t doubt Einstein was a genius. Art doesn’t have to be complicated to send across a complex message. If it seems simple to you chances are there was an artistic Einstein behind it.
Q: But how do you know if a minimalist artwork is an elegant formula, and not a meaningless sequence of symbols?
A: You don’t. That’s the trick of minimalism.
DON’T FORGET TO ASK ME QUESTIONS OR SHARE QUESTIONS OF OTHERS WITH ME! WITHOUT YOUR HELP, MY A TO Z INTRODUCTION TO MODERN CULTURE WILL NOT BE COMPLETE